Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
