My hair reeks of homosexuality.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
