Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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