Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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