Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
