I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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