How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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