I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't deserve a penis
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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