I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
