sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
