and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
