How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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