Plan B is the new Plan A
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize