i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
