cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
