dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
