I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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