Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
