i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
