I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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