Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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