I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize