im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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