First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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