Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
