Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
