dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
