I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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