my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
