Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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