I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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