Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
