I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
