Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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