Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
