I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
