Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
everyone is single if you try hard enough
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Randomize
