You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
