What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
