We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
