I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
