Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
