Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
