Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
