ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
