its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
