i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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