She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
