im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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