wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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