Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
