My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
