We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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