Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
