I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he fucked my hip out of place.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
