soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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