It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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