i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
