Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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