Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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