You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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