The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
