8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
