In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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