have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
