Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
