Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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