I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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