Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
