I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
