i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
