and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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