My liver just broke up with me...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
