it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
