Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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