WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
