i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
