it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
