I'm gonna have a badass scar
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
