Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
