A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
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