He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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