I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
