I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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