I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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