we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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